Am I Okay?
It’s been just over 16 months since Tom passed away, shattering my heart and soul. I spent a full year crying every single day. I wrote this just over a year ago, shortly after losing him:
I often wonder, am I okay? I have days where the hole in my chest feels as painful and empty as it did when he first left. The common thing in my widow support groups is that year 2 is more difficult than year 1. So far I feel like year 2 is easier but the reality that he is really gone has sunk in. I think year 1 was mostly shock, disbelief, and denial. So far year 2 is realization, more shock, and agony.
I ask him nearly every single day, “how am I supposed to go on without you?” and I wish I would have asked him when I had the chance. But I realize he wouldn’t have had the answer; there really is no answer.
Being back to work I am distracted. I am helping others which makes me feel better about myself. I have a very soft spot in my heart when I get a death call from a widow. Bringing a new widow in to see her husband before he is cremated, and hearing her sobs when she lays eyes on him causes such a deep and painful…
