Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief will not prepare you for the reality of real grief when it hits.

Jennifer Estes
2 min readMar 29, 2024
Photo by whoislimos on Unsplash

The truth about anticipatory grief is that it’s only there to waste your time or to remind you to never take your beloved for granted. Maybe a little reminder to spend a little more time listening. Hold them in an embrace that much longer, cherishing the feeling of it.

If you have anticipatory grief it likely means your beloved is sick. That day will come when your arms will ache for one more embrace. The memory of a lingering hug, given with deep intention, will always be a way to go back in time. To cherish the memories even as you long for an opportunity to make more.

When anticipatory grief comes, use it to pause and reflect for a moment. Then take notice of things you can do to make their journey of dying easier. It’s so much better to utilize anticipatory grief for good in place of guilt and regret for not doing more.

I made the mistake of thinking that anticipatory grief was a head start on the grieving process. I wallowed in it. I cried my eyes out. I felt it deeply. Then I hugged him longer. Slow dancing with him as we crossed paths in the kitchen. I cherish that memory more than words can describe. And I also long to go back in time. Instead of crying alone with the anticipation of his…

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Jennifer Estes
Jennifer Estes

Written by Jennifer Estes

I am a widow, a mortician, a mom, and grandma. I write about grief, caregiving, substance use disorder, and the death care industry.

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