At War With Myself
I spent two nights with a demon, and one night with La Santa Muerta, and I overcame it.
I met Jack two weeks ago. He was nice, he seemed real in a world full of fakes. He said all the right things. His actions showed all the right things. After three dates I decided to spend the night with him. The connection we had was energetic, the sex was very tantric, extremely passionate, and very much my style. Almost like we were the same person spiritually. Grieving for one year and eight months it was nice to feel alive and loved. Yet I felt guilty; I still have pictures of Tom everywhere, and I am still grieving. So conflicted inside, I decided to spend another night with Jack. The same passion as before only better because it wasn’t as new as the first time. We were getting closer, or so it seemed.
On day three I used my morning meditation and journaling time to process the guilt. Talking to Tom, asking for his blessings, and doing my best to process in my brain how to move on. Having lost my soul mate to death, I am still here. I have to live on. Yet I don’t want to, I want him to come for me, I want to join him. I know he wants me to be happy, and I know he wants me to move on, but actually doing it is so hard! I commit to try and move forward.
