My Greatest Fear
After losing Tom the fear of losing my son has become stronger.
I was sleeping soundly when a slight scream woke me up. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock, it said 3:03. I drank sleepy time tea before bed so I really had to pee. As I got up to use the bathroom I heard the slight scream again.
I sat on the toilet thinking of my son and his girlfriend in the other bedroom. Are they fighting? Are they having sex? I wonder about checking on them. It’s quiet as I decide to crawl back into bed.
The second I pull the covers up and settle in Angel* calls my name. Panic mode sets in, my son suffers from substance use disorder, he was recently released from prison and has been sober for several months. I ran across the house to their room.
The sight before my eyes had my soul leave my body, I’m certain of it. He was completely naked on the floor. She was straddled across his stomach doing chest compressions. The cell phone was on the bed, lit up with Emergency Services, the male voice on the speaker was counting with her as she compressed his chest. He was a scary gray color.
Shock….complete shock….as I think, well it’s finally happened, my son is dead. I ask if his heart has stopped, it’s all I can manage. Angel doesn’t answer the question and blurts out “he needs Narcan!”…
