It’s been just over 16 months since Tom passed away, shattering my heart and soul. I spent a full year crying every single day. I wrote this just over a year ago, shortly after losing him: I Am Not Okay I promised you I would be okay. How do I keep that promise when my life has been shattered into a million pieces?jenniferestes-jlraven.medium.com I often wonder, am I okay? I have days where the hole in my…

Finding purpose and meaning in life can make all the difference in our mental health. — After two and a half years of working from home for a telemedicine company, I returned to work as a funeral director (mortician). Being a funeral director is my calling in life. It took me five years to get the mortuary science degree. I worked full time, went to school…

I pull it close to my face, and my tears stream down my cheeks and onto the soft fabric. His smell is long gone. — It has been one year and twenty-nine days since my sweet Tom died. Yesterday felt like I was transported back to a year ago; I cried all day. Tears mixed with sobs, talking to him all day, begging him to come and get me. Please Tom, please come and get…

A review of my experience with the home warranty company. — A few months ago I started to hear a banging when I would flush the toilet. I called American Home Shield and paid the $100 deductible. They sent a plumber out right away. …

The book 75 Hard by Andy Frisella was the motivation I needed to stop procrastinating, get off my ass, and take hold of my goals. — It’s only 5 daily tasks, and it’s only 75 days so who will you listen to I ask myself. I have spent most of my adult life listening to the bitch voice. According to Frisella, we all have dual voices. Good vs evil, the angel vs the devil, or as…

Waiting for a loved one while they are having cancer treatments is such a trying experience. All attention, prayers, etc tend to be all on the cancer patient. Nobody sees the one who bears the brunt of it all. — I finish my daily journaling and open my phone to play a game of Sudoku as I sit alone waiting for Tom. This has become our routine for the last six weeks. …

She is four years old and in that short span, she has stayed in three different Airbnbs, had two stays in a cabin in Big Cottonwood Canyon, gone on a fishing trip to Flaming Gorge, and taken a total of nine road trips. — Luna’s first trip was right after we adopted her. She was only about 8 weeks old and we had a family vacation planned to fly to California, so we sent her to stay with Ann in her cabin up in Big Cottonwood Canyon. …

I just realized my dreams are not always about what I am going through right now. Some of them are a glimpse into the future. — I was in an ancient house that was falling apart. As I lay in bed alone, it started to rain outside. Soon the rain is falling inside my room and all over me. I walk across the hallway to the other room where Tom is sleeping and ask him to…

When it rains, it pours. I know this all too well, unfortunately, and right now, it's a hell of a downpour! I am at my kitchen table working. It's been a busy day with phone calls from clinicians with tech issues. My cat Luna is making a game of running in and out of the house, trying to engage me in play. My cell phone rings; it's the mechanic calling to…